I think every marriage should have mentors, counselors – SOME other couple (or person) pouring into their marriage. No individual is perfect, and therefore no marriage is perfect and there will be bumps along the way and things to work out and work through together.
Since early in our marriage, Zach and I have been seeing this amazing couple, Dee & Barbi. Our last session with them we were talking about the birth of our son and the fears and worries of being parents. You know, wanting to be the perfect mom and dad for him and the children that follow (Lord willing) and being afraid of messing them up. Dee & Barbi shared two things that I’ll never forget that I thought I would share here with you all:
#1. Our child stills need a savior.
As much as we want to protect our kid from hurt and pain (which we can’t), and make him feel like the most treasured and loved child, and even if we do things perfectly (which we won’t) and leave no scars or things for him to work through when he gets married (ha ha), he still will have a gaping hole in his life… he still will need a savior.
#2. Zach and I will not bond with or nurture our kids in the same way… and that’s ok.
You hear how a woman tends to be bonded more with their baby because she’s carrying it, feeding it and all of those mothering instincts that kick in once the child is born. And then you hear how it takes the dad a bit longer to connect with the child and whatnot. That has made me worry a bit about Zach being able to bond with our child – I don’t want him to feel left out or a third wheel. Then Dee & Barbi reminded us that God created man and woman with unique roles. We were designed by the Creator or Creators to love and bond with our children in different and unique ways. Zach will be able to teach and show our son things in ways I never could and vice-versa. My role for our child right now is to carry him and once he’s born, to feed him. That’s how God created me. He didn’t give the man those abilities. Zach will be able to show him how to be a man… something I definitely can’t do… as well as other things. That’s what makes the family that God created so cool – all of us working together to be what we need to be for our son.
Due to many different family dynamics that happen due to uncontrollable circumstances, there are families that maybe don’t have a mother and a father. That’s where God’s abundant grace comes in and fills in where we can’t… gotta love that!
For those of you who have been through the parenting journey, what are worries/fears you maybe had/have and how have you worked through those?